Paid one hundred dollars by Hollywood on the condition that he leave, a self-declared auteur drives to Sudbury, Ontario, and points his camera at the Enlightenment Academy: a gap-year program run by a man whose doctorate came from a calligraphy class.
Synopsis
Bach Van Dyke owns a turtleneck, a fedora, and one hundred dollars that Hollywood gave him to go somewhere else. He spends it getting to Sudbury, Ontario, and setting up inside the Enlightenment Academy, a gap-year program he intends to turn into the documentary that finally proves everyone wrong about him.
The Academy belongs to Dr. Raymond Cism, who will tell you without being asked that the doctorate came from a calligraphy class. Rank is awarded in gold stars bought at Bulk Barn. Every promotion, demotion, and honour at the school runs through a system Cism designed in a single night, and he is happy to walk anyone through how.
“I created the star system after several, several hits of my sweet, sweet Benadryl. I was seeing the aurora borealis and I was freaking spinning.”
Dr. Raymond Cism
Beneath him sits the student body. Sheen “Concrete” Wallace, born on the pavement outside a 7-Eleven while his mother was inside buying a slushy. A farm boy who takes his instructions from Connie and Betty, and who has begun hanging the younger students off the flagpole. A theatre kid who performs “I’m a Little Teapot” the way other people commit assault. A girl with a plan to move orphans directly into NFL cheerleading.
Bach films all of it, and films himself doing it. He corners Kevin, his teenage cameraman, in a bathroom for an interview Kevin never agreed to. He keeps rolling through the snow brawl, the circumcision ceremony conducted with a stick, and a dinner table where nobody stops screaming.
Credits
Cast
- Bach Van Dyke as Himself
- Simone as Himself
- Dr. Raymond Cism as Himself
- Sheen “Concrete” Wallace as Himself
- Butch Jankins as Himself
- Sherman Dingles as Himself
- Jake Aksle as Himself
- Suzy Lubarb as Herself
- Kevin as Himself
- Josh Summerhays as Himself
Crew
- Directed by Bach Van Dyke
- Written by Bach Van Dyke
- Produced by McAuley Tucker
- Director of Photography Kevin the Camera Man
- Edited by McAuley Tucker
- Music by McAuley Tucker & Alek Olsen
- Theme by Alek Olsen
Details
- Format Short
- Runtime 11:25
- Year 2024
- Country Canada
- Language English
- Genre Mockumentary
- Shot in Sudbury, Ontario
